


Boy's Night In or, Seven is a Geek

by seven (sevenpoints)



Category: Star Trek RPF
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-10
Updated: 2012-12-10
Packaged: 2017-11-20 19:04:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/588649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sevenpoints/pseuds/seven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“It has to be said: Batman could totally kick Superman’s ass.  Like, without even trying.”</p><p> Inspired by <a href="http://ontd-startrek.livejournal.com/481065.html">this post</a> at ontd_startrek and the subsequent comic book geekery in the comments.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Boy's Night In or, Seven is a Geek

“It has to be said: Batman could totally kick Superman’s ass.  Like, without even trying.”

 

The other guys scoffed and accused Anton of being drunk, but he persisted.  “I’m serious!  He totally could.  Shit,  _I_ could kick his ass.  You just have to wave a little kryptonite at him and that’s it.  His ass is kicked.”

 

John begged to differ.  “He would heat vision you before the kryptonite took effect.”

 

“No, he wouldn’t, because he’s all principled and shit.  Batman would fight dirty.  Batman knows where it’s at.”

 

“Okay, kids, we’re trying to watch cartoons here,” Karl interrupted.  “Who has the rules for the drinking game?”

 

“I got ‘em.”  Zach adjusted his giant glasses and consulted the list, which had been compiled on set and was thus very short.  “We have to drink whenever Batman narrows his eyes, or his cape is billowy, or he…’is darkness?’  What the fuck?  Who added that?”

 

“I did,” Anton said, defensively.

 

“What the hell does ‘is darkness’ mean?”

 

“You know.”  Anton sighed, like they were all idiots.  “Whenever he disappears into the shadows and all you see are his eyes.”

 

“Oh.  Ha!  Okay yeah that’s a good one.  Moving on: we also drink whenever Bruce Wayne is rich, and whenever…oh my God, who wrote this?  Whenever Batman ‘is a badass mother, who don’t take no crap from nobody,’ what the  _fuck?_ ”

 

“In other words,” Karl interjected, “we should get five beer bongs and keep pouring until we’re done watching.”

 

“No, come on guys!”  Chris, the source of the last criterion, was pretty sure he had a valid point.  “That applies to all kinds of situations, like whenever Batman interrogates a criminal or cheats death or whatever.”

 

“You got that line from  _Cool Runnings_ ,” John accused.

 

There was a moment of silence.

 

“Well, that was a good movie!”

 

“Shut up, Pine.”

 

“Make me, Urban!”

 

“Boys!”  It was, apparently, Anton’s turn to be the responsible peacekeeper.  “Okay, we’ll keep Chris’ rule to cover any and all occasions on which we should totally drink, but forgot to account for.  Agreed?”

  
“Agreed,” they chorused.

 

+++

 

Six episodes and many, many drinks later, the situation had deteriorated somewhat.

 

“Batman’s totally cooler than Spiderman,” John insisted.  At some point Zach's throw blanket had gotten tied around his shoulders, but the others were refusing to comment on this.  “When Spiderman went emo he spontaneously generated _eyeliner_.”

 

“The word is ‘guyliner,’” Zach offered.

 

“You  _would_ know that.”

 

“You are so freaking clueless, Cho.”

 

“You are such a dandy, Quinto!”

 

Karl decided to nip the name-calling in the bud. “Whatever. Cho, you are completely unqualified to have this discussion.” He leveled a finger at the other man, who quailed (understandably).  “You cannot base your debates on the fucking movies.  If you want to go there, I will call you on the fucking nipple suits.”

 

Anton couldn’t resist jumping in.  “Batman always wins because he doesn’t have any super powers.  Peter Parker gets points for inventing web fluid and all that, but Bruce Wayne had to invent  _everything he is_.”

 

Karl scoffed.  “Except rich.”

 

“Okay yeah I have to grant you  _deus ex machina_ on that one.”

 

“What it really comes down to,” Chris interjected, “is which superhero had the hottest girlfriend.”

 

This prompted a hush, as each man stroked his chin and considered the options.

 

Zach was the first to speak.  “Lois Lane has to be out for wearing those fucking shoulder pads all the time.”

 

“Oh my God,” Chris moaned.  “Why do you even bother staying in the closet?”

 

“I’ll out when you out, Chris.  Glass houses, dude.”

 

“I am way, way less obvious than you are.  Incidentally, I vote for Mary Jane.”

 

“Yeah, Mary Jane definitely,” Karl agreed, “even though she has a fire crotch.”

 

“A fire crotch is preferable to a kleptomaniac with ten thousand cats,” John added.

 

Anton huffed.  “Oh come on.   _Catwoman_ , guys!  Blonde, rich, purrs when you make her happy?”

 

“Yeah, and then she claws your ass and feeds you to her cats,” John retorted.

 

“Whatever.  You guys are just pussies.  I like a woman with a whip.”

 

This provoked another silence.

 

“Anton, you kinky motherfucker.”

 

“Don’t hate, Zach. You assholes are just repressed.”

 

“Hey, he’s being darkness,” John called out.  “Everyone take a drink.”

 

They all went to comply, only to come up empty.

 

“Well son of a bitch,” Karl griped, “what happened to all the booze?”

 

“If Batman were here,” Anton mused, “we could make a beer run in the fucking  _Batmobile_.”

 

Chris scoffed.  “And if Superman were here he could  _fly to the store_.”

 

“Yeah, but with his lame white-collar job he’d have to get Natty Lite or some shit.”

 

“None of this is getting us drunker,” Zach pointed out.

 

“Your  _face_ is drunker.”

 

“…All in favor of cutting Chris off?”

 

There was a chorus of “Ayes.”

 

“Hey!”

 

“Shut up, Pine.”


End file.
